Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Why Us?

Laying in bed a few nights ago, shoulder to shoulder, staring up at our darkened ceiling, Ryan quietly wondered aloud..."Why us?"

He was brave enough to say it out loud while I had kept my thoughts silent for weeks, maybe longer.

Why are we the sick ones?
Why does Ryan have such horrible Crohn'?
Why does our 2 year old marriage have to weather this so soon?
Why is this happening to us?
Why does the Lord not intervene?
Why is there no relief?
Why is Satan allowed to do this kind of thing?
Why do we feel so isolated in being young and sick?
Why Lord, is this what you have for us?
Why do other people get to be healthy?
Why doesn't this sort of illness happen to some really awful person instead of Ryan?
Why aren't things getting better?
Why us?

I wish I knew the answer to these questions.  I'm not sure if the knowing would help us take on this season more confidently, but perhaps would give us more clarity.  I would take clarity right now.

 However, even if I got the answer, I bet I wouldn't like it anyway.  Can you imagine that conversation with the Lord?

Carly: "Um, excuse me Lord, but why us?  Why are Ryan and I the couple battling sickness?"
Lord: [Insert His perfect, reasonable, holy, worthy answer]
Carly: "Oh well, that's fine but can you just make it stop?"

The lesson would have been lost on me obviously.  Because I find myself so often just wanting Ryan to 
be made well that instead of asking "What more do you have God?  How else will you reveal yourself?" I simply whine to Him, "Why?"

I've been told that these are moments when I'll wish God didn't trust us this much.

No doubt indeed.  This is true. But I'm such a dang mess that I end up thinking it's a worthwhile investment to put on the "good" Christian face and so simply justify away the hardship with a Creator's trust.  But alas, I am sinful and weak.  And in no such condition to be so wise.

Today, I do wonder why.  No whining, no agenda, just desiring a straight forward answer.  Why is my husband, the most incredible man I know, the most godly, the most obedient, the most adventurous, the most passionate, the most tender hearted, the most gentle, the greatest leader, and influential beyond words....

I wonder in my heart where only God can see, why Ryan?

11 comments:

  1. Hi Carly,

    I've been reading your blog for several months but have not commented. What you and Ryan are going through is unbelieveably hard, and my heart goes out to you.

    My husband and I are only four and a half years married, but just after two years of marriage, unbelievably hard things happened to us too. Different from you, but, trust me, harrowing and heart-wrenching.

    The book, other than the Word, that changed me and helped me through this hard time was "Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts" by Jerry Bridges. I can't recommend it enough. I pray you'll be able to read it and have it help you as it did for me.

    You're both in my prayers, hold in there!!!

    Blessings,
    Sarah

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    1. Hey Sarah

      Glad to have you reading AND commenting! So fun to have you here :)

      I'll look into the Jerry Bridges book :) Loving lots of resources now. Glad for your prayers-they are much needed!

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  3. I myself have asked that question WHy me? And the answer I received was why Not you? What Jesus Christ did for us on the cross pails in comparison to our sufferings. Why Him? Sin in the world form the first fall of Adam and Eve has affected us so greatly. We have sickness, disease and pain all due to one mans sin. We can't escape that, but we know that we have A Hope in Jesus and a Heaven awaiting us! :) Take heart! Your in my prayers!

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    1. Such a good point Vee. Why not us? It just feels tiring to be "chosen" for something like this. You just preached the gospel so beautifully-definitely needing a fresh dose of that truth today!

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  4. Hi, Carly

    I cannot tell you, how many times that I have asked God the very same question!! However, What I do know is that the Lord has a plan and it will reveal it self in time. God has a plan to prosper you (Jer 9:11)
    1) Keep praying 2) Keep asking 3) Keep the Faith 4) Keep reading the Word 5) Keep surrounding your self around positivity 6) Let the Devil know he is a liar and he is never welcome! (Sometimes , My husband find me wandering in my house blurting out bible verses and just rebuking the devil).. You and Ryan have each other and most of all , You both have God, He will lift you above this ..

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    1. Excellent advice friend :) I'm going to start wandering the house calling on Jesus and slamming out the enemy. The devil is such a coward anyway!

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  5. Love what The Deaf Home Maker said. I have no answers. Only prayers.

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    1. Stacey those prayers are exactly what we need. Thanks for reading and journeying with us.

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  6. Hey Carly,

    Bedour and I were talking yesterday and remembered you guys, so I thought to myself let me check up on how things are going on your blog, we can’t imagine how hard this could be on both of you. But know that we are praying for you and we hope that Ryan gets better real soon, you guys are among the nicest couple we ever knew and you deserve better that this.

    It’s really hard to imagine why stuff like this happen to good people, but it’s even harder to imagine why would stuff like this happen to young children, a few years ago our daughter (3 Years Old at the time) had her fist seizure episode and was diagnosed with this horrible chronic disease. It’s one thing to have one of us suffering, but to have one of our children suffer with Bedour and I standing there knowing there is nothing that we could do to make it better is one of the worst feelings we ever had.

    Nonetheless, we believe that the Lord knows what’s best for us and we can’t complain, maybe we don’t see the benefit of it, but we do know that he loves us and he is only doing what’s best for us in this life and the hereafter.

    We sincerely hope that Ryan gets his health back in no time, and we would like to leave you with this, if the best of the best that walked this earth had to suffer; from Abraham to Moses to Jesus to Mohammed… I think the best of us can tolerate some suffering. Because if they suffered big time and they were loved by the creator; that only means that the good among us who suffer… are loved just the same.


    Our Best Wishes & Prayers,

    Ammar & Bedour Sabban, KAUST

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    1. Ammar & Bedour!!!!

      What an amazing, wonderful surprise to hear from our favorite couple out in Saudi! We miss you guys so much and talk about you often.

      Thank you for such an encouraging response to our difficult time. I didn't know your daughter had struggled with any type of illness but seizures are so scary. It is difficult to imagine why, but you inspire us by your perseverance. We agree wholeheartedly, especially in that Jesus-the perfect living sacrifice-would suffer so much for our sin and give us true LIFE. If the strongest spiritual figures had to walk through difficult trials, then why should we expect different?

      Your words and friendship mean so much to us. We hope you are all doing well out in Saudi. And please keep coming back to visit our blog more often-we would love to have you read about Ryan's healing soon :) And if you are in Colorado anytime soon know that you have a place under our roof to stay as long as you like.

      Hope to hear from you guys soon!!!!

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