Thursday, August 16, 2012

What I'm Tired Of

I love my husband with all my heart and am simply tired FOR him and with him.  Tired that the road to progress is so shifty and difficult; so very unpredictable and not at all smooth.  I am not tired of him, caring for him, or being married to him.  But together we are tired of this...

I am tired of seeing my husband in this position on this couch because he has no other choice...



 

 I am tired of the surgeries, the hospitalizations, the medicinal side effects, or other ailments because it brings him pain and it brings his spirit low...


 

I am tired of insensitive comments (just think before you speak), unplanned complications, weakness, limitations, frustrations, dreams for Ryan being squashed, that Crohn's has stolen SO much of our time, and that my husband is suffering.  I'm tired of all that.

But I'm not tired of my husband.  I love him more than ever.  Talking today, we were both very encouraged to again affirm that neither one of us will ever walk away from this marriage.  We will never leave, give up, or run away.  Where would we go anyway?!

I'm tired of you Crohn's and I'm tired of you satan.  You're both the biggest idiots I've ever met.

We keep praying for health and are excited for the day when Ryan is restored.  It's slow, but we think it's coming.  Show up Jesus--we trust you!

10 comments:

  1. This post and all the pictures collaboratively really made me feel tired with you. Sometimes we can even be tired of people saying "we're praying for you" or "this is just a season" or "don't worry God is right there helping you". Although these things are true, they don't feel true and you can grow weary of hearing them when the situation seems to stay the same or get worse!
    I have no miracle words or encouraging today, but I can say " I hear you and feel what your saying" Of course not to the degree you to do, all the same I hear you and I am tired too :(

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  2. Your "think before you speak" comment is so infuriatingly true. I'm sorry you are experiencing that. I've had that a lot during hard life experiences, too, and as much as you try to give the speaker the benefit of the doubt, it's not always possible. Because reality is a lot of people say really stupid things. Because they don't think. They don't think because life hasnt always required them to do so.

    The best way I've dealt with insensitive comments is to journal about them, very specifically. How it made me feel, etc. It shouldn't be your job (especially not right now) but try to think of it like helping the ignorant. We are ALL ignorant about so many things in life.

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    1. Amen Diana. I resonate with you fully. It is exhausting sometimes...

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  3. Although I know you guys are so tired and this has been such a difficult time for you two I do love how Ryan looks like he is having fun on the couch in every picture. You two are seriously the most awesome to make the best out of every situation and only you and Ryan would be able to pull off so much fun!

    And the fact that this has only strengthened your marriage is so amazing and encouraging!

    Boom roasted Crohns!

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    Replies
    1. Well I'm glad to have captured a few good moments on camera because there have more ugly, hard moments.

      Once Crohn's is healed, then it will be REALLY boom roasted!

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  4. There will always be people who have no "home-training" and they say or do the rudest thing that tend to be offensive to others. The devils sometimes use other people to BRING us down but you have to ignore them and just " Let go and Let god. I really believe in the motto " If you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything AT ALL. Keep going and know that GOD is always in charge that is something that will NEVER change.

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    1. You are wise Kay. I have learned so much about what to say (or not!) to an ill person and how to BLESS with words instead. Difficulty definitely draws out empathy and compassion. I have learned both so strongly the last few months.

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  5. I have to say that I started following your blog not really knowing what it was about. My husband nor I am sick, but you have been such an inspiration! When I stumbled upon your blog my husband were having problems, our marriage was shaky and we had been married 6 months. But I read you post and see how you love your husband and I don't know you or your husband but I can tell with the words you write you love him with everything you have! I find my self rushing to open the email showing your newest post. Your words are inspiring! Thank you for having the courage to write about what is happening, you are encouraging to me, I am sure you are encouraging for others as well!! God Bless You, and I'm sure you have many praying, but I am honestly one more that has and will be!

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    Replies
    1. Mandy I am so so glad you are here! And glad the Lord somehow led you to this little blog. I can totally understand and resonate about a shaky marriage-we have been there and I'm sure will see those seasons again. Keep fighting lady, you can both stand strong with the Lord. Satan wants nothing more than for you two to walk away, but I know you won't!!

      I'm really encouraged by your kind words, perseverence and story. Truly honored to have you reading and walking through this with us!

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