Thursday, June 14, 2012

We Spent Our Anniversary...Arguing.

You read that right.  We did in fact spend our second anniversary of marriage fighting.  Literally all day.  (If it's ok to laugh a little as I write that, then I admit to it because I feel SO ridiculous now)

I have a feeling we aren't the only ones who have ever fought on a special day or occasion and made it feel royally AWFUL...but now I know how isolating it can feel when you start to think, "Good night, are we the only ones that could actually ruin our wedding anniversary?!?!"

Yesterday we celebrated 2 years of marriage.  I posted a very nice blog post about it listing all the wonderful things God had been teaching us and yada yada yada... We went to breakfast, enjoyed the morning and then, disaster struck.

Do you even want to know what it was over?

Dog poop and going to the Mac store. (*ahem*)

HAHAHAHA excuse me while I pick myself up off the floor from laughter and embarrassment.  Oh my goodness seriously what is wrong with us?!  I won't even try to explain ourselves.

But we all know it wasn't really about dog poop and going to the Mac store was it?  Is a fight ever really about what you're arguing over?  I tend to think not.  There are usually other issues brewing that need to be surfaced and discussed.

So we fought for about 8 hours on our dang anniversary because of failures to listen, the tension boiling over from the last 12 weeks, and an inability to keep me in one room without balling from sheer anger and disappointment at the outcome of the day.  It was the ugly of all ugly cries if I can confess that you.

Anyway, there isn't some magical lesson learned but if you ever feel alone in being a big mess in life-take heart because the Deckers are right there paving the way of messiness and desperately needing us some grace.  We are so ridiculously sinful and selfish sometimes.  I do hope our next anniversary is a little more....uh, nice...but that's real life for you.

By a sheer stroke of genius by my husband, we collected ourselves and for the first time in history we did actually venture out late to try and clean up what we could of our anniversary.  We went to Chik Fil A (my favorite. classy, no?) at 9:00 pm and caught a 10:05 movie which felt like a BIG adventure for us.

So there you have it: no roses and candlelit dinners for the Decker's anniversary this year which is fine by me.  We just don't always roll that way.  This year hashing out our issues, a fast food joint, and a late night movie was our celebration.

It doesn't get any more real life than that.


Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Philippians 4:8


I'm so glad you're here!  I hope you're encouraged by what you read and spurred on to pursue the heart of God.  To make sure you don't miss anything join us over on the sidebar or add our button to your page.  Be blessed!

44 comments:

  1. thank you for posting this! sometimes i feel like were the only ones who fight over poop (cat for us). you're not alone! i'm glad you made the best of it though!! :)

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    1. Danielle you are SO not the only ones girl! haha! We're right there with you in the messiness of marriage. But God is so good and sustains us when we are just clearly not able-and so easily side tracked by some crazy stuff.

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  2. This must mean that Ryan is feeling better if he has the energy to fight with you. This will be an anniversary you will always remember and laugh about in future years. Love you both.

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    1. Ha ha yeah I guess I should be grateful that he can fight with me again-that means he isn't asleep from pain or surgery or on tons of meds. And we ate our cake mom-it actually tasted really good for being 2 years old :)

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  3. Girl, Let me tell you! We just had the biggest fight over whom was going to take out Tree and turkey (the dogs) to the bathroom. We have only been married for 1 month and 4 weeks plus a day. I look back and just want to kick myself because it is something so small and yet it became so big. LOL

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    1. Haha Kay I love that we are not the only ones with "silly fights" :) I also feel so encouraged know that healthy fighting and argument resolution is essential to a healthy marriage. If we never disagreed or worked through issues, even seemingly silly ones, we would never grow. I love reading about your marriage on your blog-you and your husband are so neat!

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  4. Your honesty is great. You are more normal than you think you are! So glass for grace and glad you redeemed some of your day!

    Emily
    www.weakandloved.com

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    1. That's reassuring Emily. I'm glad we aren't crazy. Fun to see you here.

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  5. My husband and I ended up at On The Border (Mexican chain) for our first Valentines together while we were still dating. Chick Fil A is perfectly acceptable date fare for me! LOL Happy 2 years, we'll be coming up on that in November. And no one is perfect- thanks for your transparency here Carly! I fight way to much over silly non-related, old issues, etc. way too often. Things to work on. :)

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    1. I love that! When I first read your comment I thought you said you ended up at the Mexican Border--like the country!!!! And I was thinking what the heck?!?!?! Ha ha ha! Glad it was only a restaurant and not some unintended inter-country travel. It's always the "silly" stuff that blows up into a fight isn't it. And yay for 2 years in November for you and Robert!

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  6. Lol. Oh Carly, you're just so great and I like you a lot. :)

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    1. haha Laura thanks for that encouragement. I miss you but I'm glad you're back in Denver!!!!!

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  7. Don't feel bad. My 9th anniversary was the 7th and there were lots of tears for me as well lol. Lack of communication did it. Yup.. we're over it now. It happens.

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    1. Oh no Kelly it's so awful when that happens! I'm sorry :( At least you worked through it. Seriously that is just real life even though it can be SO inconvenient!

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  8. awwww. We've so been there! It was either anniversary #1 or #2. I don't remember which one or what we were fighting over. And the funny thing is, I was devastated when it happened because I thought "I will always remember this day that should have been happy as the day we fought" and blah blah blah other emotional girl thoughts... and I don't even know when it was now :)

    Glad you made it through allright, and were able to do some "Fun stuff" in the evening :)

    kudos to you for being honest about it on your blog too! I respect that a lot!!!

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    1. I thought the exact same thing--I will always remember THIS anniversary :( UGH!!!! But thankfully it's not that dramatic and I can remember that we are a real couple with a real marriage and these things can happen. It's how we work through it and love each other that is going to matter. Fun to see you here!!

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    1. Hopefully it encourages everyone else to know that messy and imperfect is found in every person and family! Glad you are here!

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  10. This is a great post! My husband and I have had occasional snarky days as well. Sometimes you just have to pinky promise you'll be good, or get to the heart of the issue and talk it out. Glad you salvaged your anniversary anyway!

    Monica @ theatypicalhousewife.com

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    1. Yes!!! Just get to the heart of the issue. Because we were SO not fighting about the dog poop and computer store were we?! Good point Monica :)

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  11. Oh. My. Goodness. I've done that. One year I threw a pouting fit in the middle of our fancy restaurant dinner, and another year we were locked in the house by 30-below temps (yes, silly kids, we got married in January) so I again pouted while my husband cleaned the basement. Did you read that? He CLEANED THE BASEMENT. And I love him tremendously. Thanks for a real and hilarious post - I love that you can find the humor and humility in it. You are not alone.

    Hopping over from Titus Tuesday at Time Warp Wife, and so glad I did!

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    1. Ha Ha Becky just laughed out loud at you guys having to be locked inside on your anniversary...so sad!!!! CLEAN BASEMENTS on an anniversary somehow just aren't as amazing as any other day... :) But thanks you Lord for a husband who serves by cleaning. Glad you stopped by!

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  12. hahaha...oh, Carly, it's reassuring to know how many others out there have days like this. Isn't it annoying that most arguments start over the stupidest things? I know ours do. And then, we figure things out, we make up, and it's fine!

    Glad you had a fun evening, anyway, and SO glad that Ryan's doing better. :) :) Happy 2nd Anniversary!!

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    1. Ha it's SO true! The dumbest things turn into some of our biggest fights. Two of our close friends said their biggest fight was about how to make a grilled cheese!!! We've had our fair share of "grilled cheese" fights

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  13. Well, you're not alone, and neither are we! I don't know if we've spent an anniversary arguing, but we do our fair share. Thanks for sharing! Marriage is messy, but it is worth it! Happy Anniversary! :)

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    1. Leigh Ann I hope you don't ever argue on an anniversary-it's not fun ha ha!! But a messy marriage is a real marriage and it means both people are striving towards God and love each other more. Perfection just isn't real (or probably very enjoyable!)

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  14. LOL, great story! We always tend to argue when we're going to visit family for some odd reason. So we arrive at our family's house (either one) all grumpy and irritated with each other and then we have to wait until we're home again to sort it out. makes for interesting visits with family!

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    1. Family events can be stressful Anne! Don't feel alone in THAT either!!! :)

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  15. So, I was giggling (really at myself) reading this - on our TENTH anniversary I cried in the restaurant because of a fight....over stupid stuff - WHAT ELSE - poor server. She had the "Happy 10th Anniversary, I think?" look on her face. Here we are a few years later, and those times are the testimony of endurance we can use to encourage other marriages. We have overcome by the Blood of the Lamb, and the word of our testimony! Love your post, beautiful blog! Thank you!

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    1. Ha ha thanks for sharing that story. Makes me feel better :)

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  16. Hi Carly, I am Annie from Luv U to the Moon... and Back. I hopped on over from WLWW and loved this post! My husband and I fought terribly on our first wedding anniversary! But we too managed to salvage it. Thanks for keepin' it real. It is so refreshing!

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    1. Oh no you did?! Ugh, worst 1st anniversary ever. We appreciated the night even more after such a terrible day.

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  17. SO REAL! I love it! I also love that you made up for it in the end.

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  18. Love your honesty, Carly. I can't remember a fight on any of our 41 anniversaries, but we have certainly ruined other special days that way. I remember one time when our kids were in grade school and my husband took a day off work just to spend some couple time together and we fought so much he went back to work...and then I sat in the house and felt even worse! I can still remember the foolish way I felt as I write this. : {
    This post resonates with so many people because it's real. I often read posts that are very sweet but a little too perfect for real life : ) Thanks for adding this dose of reality in a humorous way and still making it godly. I'm praying you have a blessed week. Thanks for linking this up to B&BB.

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    1. Thanks for being so real Gail. I have turned inward and let my flesh have it's way too many times-yucky memories. But thank the Lord for His grace and our husband's love. I am extra inspired to hear about your 41 year anniversary! WAHOO!

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  19. We haven't yet celebrated our FIRST wedding anniversary, but knowing us something similar will happen. We are that typical couple that the second something comes along to shake up our lives we go down the "crazy-cycle"! I think the first anniversary is a BIG shake-up, in an eyes-wide-open sort of way! Thanks for posting this and being so honest.

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    1. No point in not being transparent here-the hard times will come, anniversary or not. Hope your 1st celebration is memorable and sweet though!

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  20. AWESOME POST! My hubby and I did this alot for our first few years of marriage! ANd we prb will do it again at some point! :) LOL

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    1. Ahhh so true Vee! Unfortunately :( Take away our sinful, selfish ways God and replace them with how Jesus would behave.

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  21. Love this and you are NOT alone sister! We fought off and on during our whole honeymoon in Jamaica. Horrible but it's about learning to mesh together. It's a part of our history now.

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  22. We're coming up on 30 years next month and believe me we still argue over the silliest things sometimes. It's ok to be human and frail and faulty as long as you pick yourselves up and learn from it. Glad everything worked out ok for you.

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  23. I think part of the reason fights come up on anniversaries is because there is so much pressure to have a wonderful day filled with exciting and romantic events. I love to plan and anticipate special occasions, and I think sometimes I expect so much from one day on a fallen planet that it is just way over the top unrealistic.
    Our second anniversary is in a week, and we are going on a short vacation to celebrate. We'll see how that turns out, and I pray that I accept God's peace and grace to face whatever happens.

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